So much to be thankful for, however fist rigorous honesty. The mix cocktail of winter, the holidays and working late nights, literally leaves the taste of my addiction on the tip of my tongue. I guess it does not matter how much sobriety I have, or think I have. The reality is I only have today, and even some days I only have seconds. Only a true addict who has everything and more in life on Thanksgiving eve, would somehow think picking up and using would make their entire life better. That’s just how we think.
So I have not been to a meeting in weeks due to my new night shift that I am working. So some of this is a result of not being involved in my daily sobriety with sober friends. I realize that even though I am physically in a good place, my mind is drifting to what I think might be a better one. “Only if,” hits me hard as I package random items at the warehouse each night. “Only if,” I were single, “only if” I moved to the east coast, “only if” I had a boat for me and my dog Colt to be left alone unbothered. This crazy thinking grows a little stronger each night as I depart on my 45 minute drive home at 5am after work. My sponsor whom I have not talk to in weeks, would tell me to quickly get to a meeting. He would tell to take a look at myself, what am I doing wrong and whats really going on?
Well, I think the truth is simple. I’m an addict.
So as the tornado of random thoughts chase me away from sobriety, I hold tight to what I know for sure, which is my goal for today, the hour and minutes, is to stay sober no matter what.
And sometimes, that’s what I have to do.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving my fellow addicts, I know its hard, especially during the holidays. I understand and feel your addiction. I get you. However I want you to get this, using and drinking will end our lives. Keep it minute by minute if you have to, but stay sober no matter what.
J-Keeping it Real