In early recovery (and I’m talking days in), little bits and pieces of your life spins and turns all around you like little tornadoes, headed in a direction unknown and unsettling. It is impossible to deal with the wreckage of our past in day one, but important to ease our minds from all these different little calamities, as least for the moment. So we put ourselves on a schedule until one day we wake and things are better.
Its small things first. Wake up. Take a walk. Brush my teeth. Eat breakfast. Little things we can handle that are right in front of us. Little things we can control and accomplish daily. For example, I went to four recovery meetings a day for the first six months or so. That was my only daily goal. I could not handle working on my marriage, finances, the kids, the pets or life. I could only handle going to meetings all the time.
In time, I added a job to my schedule. A few hours a night I would deliver the newspaper. I kept that job for over a year. But it was still part of my daily schedule that included, waking up, meetings, pick up the kid from school, walk the dogs and then goto work.
In about eighteen months my life became manageable. I started planning out my weeks and even months. I could allow and handle more people come into my life. I understand my amends, financial and personal and more so understood I could not fix everything in one day. With my “staying sober today” card holding strong in my back pocket, I could also go back to just “don’t use or drink today” if things got hectic.
Nearly two years in sobriety, instead of playing that card at problems I couldn’t not handle, I started handling problems that challenged me on a daily basis. And I succeeded at most of them.
Then suddenly my life is sturdy and stable. I have sobriety in tact, my daily schedule down and the confidence and willingness to handle daily problems when they come.
Then one day (like today) you wake up, and there are no more tornadoes spinning around you like angry bees. My mind can rest and my focus clear. Its a wonderful feeling. I know longer have to schedule every bit of my day, and lax a little more to let the day unfold the way my higher power wants it to unfold. There are just some things I absolutely have no control over and that’s OK today. Its just simply OK.