The Emptiness of Chaos

Early sobriety can be a tornado of emotions!
Early sobriety can be a tornado of emotions!

A friend of “ours” was sharing the other day and said in some weird and sick way he “missed the chaos.” And in some weird and sick way I knew exactly what he was talking about. Which makes our new relationships in recovery that more significant. People know what we mean and say where “normy’s” just thing we are crazy. In a way, they are right, or we would not be in the situation we are currently in, recovery!

So I knew exactly what he meant because in recovery I felt the same way. There has been times to where my life is so freaking peaceful that I physically want to scream to the highest level to break the silence of serenity! Maybe next time I should, however what I learned in these moments, and they are just moments, that instead of eating, buying, creating or whatever else I ran to, to make myself feel better, I sit and do nothing. I allow myself to feel the emptiness of chaos.

It’s a lack of, not a need. But somehow I feel like I “need’ to fill it with something that I think makes me feel good. But I don’t. If I sit in the empty void it will pass. Then I find that everything is fine and okay. I take a breathe. And for one more day I’m sober.

j

 

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4 thoughts on “The Emptiness of Chaos

  1. Thank you for this. I too have been practicing having quiet moments to myself…it’s definitely a challenge but it gets easier.

    1. Thanks for reading Jennifer! Yeah it’s crazy, I had to learn to be ok with just being ok!!! But it is pretty cool once you get the hang of it!

      If you have a second you should check out my podcast, “Keeping it Sober” found on iTunes or at keepingitsober.org

      Thanks and have a great day!!

      J

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