Just taking away the alcohol and drugs isn’t enough, I realized early in recovery. I learned that my life was still in complete chaos on a daily basis. Because I was always “partying” in my 20’s and 30’s I never learned how to balance, prioritize, and manage my daily life. From waking to a morning routine to knowing when to go to sleep, I had to teach myself as I lived in the exact moment of unfamiliar territory.
Tip #1: Work on your laptop, until the battery runs out.
If you’re like me, you do not know when to turn off the laptop. Always late at night I am either working, writing or Facebooking that never seems to have a clear-cut time to stop. Everything is must complete! But the truth is, none of it, not even work is so important. My number one goal is to go to sleep sober, period! When I put my life in the proper perspective, it’s a little bit easier to see the end of the day. So I came up with a answer to all my late night laptoping woe’s: unplug your laptop from the wall, and work until the battery runs out. And even though my battery has a long life, I usually have four or five different windows open that drain the battery a little quicker. And when the battery runs out, so does the permission to be on computer. The ideal scenario after your battery running out, is to unwind, spend time with the family, play with dogs, or however you would like to spend the latter part of your day.
This morning I wanted to open the email flood gates and let loose my manifesto of what my work environment should be…too much of this, not enough of that, why can’t we do things this way, that’s dumb because it wasn’t my idea and ME, ME, ME, to my boss.
I actually struggled with this last night. And brought it with me this morning. I had the email drafted in my head, with almost threat like demands! I tried be rational, realistic and worthy. Maybe I should go straight to the top, or maybe I should start directly with my supervisor. Then for the first in my life time I took a step-back.
A client once told me that his counselor told him:
…does it need to be said, does it need to be said now and does it need to be said by me?
The answer to those questions for me and my situation was no. However, my finger was on that email trigger rubbing, teasing, tasting and feeding my compulsion to create some kind of chaos to fill a personal need of control. I need to feel important and I need to feel important now.
I don’t know what to replace that need with today, but I will not feed into. So instead of starting a rash of emails to feed my character defects, I will do nothing. Today I will leave my emptiness open for it be filled by my higher power and not my compulsion for extreme chaos.
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