How to End Friendships when you’re getting Sober

Trying new things in Recovery!

One of the most challenging obstacle I faced in early recovery was ending my life time friendships. It was also frustrating to determine who was my real friend or n0t. However once I realized ending my friendships had to be done in order for me to not drink or use anymore the feeling of abandoning the people I grew up with a little better.

So for me, I changed my number and stopped hanging out at places where my friends would hang out regular basis. But this resulted in some lonely boring nights and home by myself that was actually just as bad as hanging out with the old gang. But I did, I made it through and eventually friends stopped looking for me and in time I made new friends and healthy relationships. But it wasn’t until a few months ago, I came across an article that I think would of really helped me out back then when ending my relationships.

The article is called “Letting Go of a Relationship with Gratitude,” and was written by Suzanne Degges-White Ph.D. In the article, she states that if you are going to end a friendship, you can do it a healthy manner. Dr. White also states that out of every friendship, you can pull positives even out of negative relationships.

Dr. White explains that all allow ourselves some type of “humiliation and pain” while we are gaining acceptance in a group. But in friendships, this can lead to “resentments” against the other person. And if we apply this concept to our addiction and recovery, we all know that resentments are our “number-one killer,” it was it comes to relapse.

Dr. White goes on to explain that creating a “Gratitude Review” can allow you to end relationships and learn from them as well.

Here are two things I want to leave you with:

  1. Here is the link to the “Letting Go of a Relationship with Gratitude,” article, please feel free to comment how you challenge or confirm the content.

Ending Relationships

2. Here is the link to a Relationship Survey, that I think you might find interesting, and it is completely anonymous. The reason for the survey is for a Thesis paper I am working on so it would be greatly appreciated if you take it!

http://bit.ly/relationshipstudy1

Also you can sign up for the Relationship Study email list, where I will be sending you monthly reports of how the Thesis is going and the information that I am collecting!

Subscribe Here! 

I know, I’m super excited as well!!!!!

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Dealing With Family We Have Hurt In Addiction

I’ve got a brutal work schedule the last week or so. Working 6 out of  7 twelve hour days has got my mind in shock! So our kid is home after graduating from the Marines. It was an awesome experience to be a part of, and I am so proud of her. We have had our battles, (me and her) and she has definitely and literally seen the worst in me and my addiction. I would say out of the 3 girls, she got the worst of it. Not that the other 2 didn’t suffer any neglect. My youngest I lost at a carnival when she was like 4, she will probably be scarred for life, and even though she is just 11, she is like her mother, doesn’t forget anything, especially if it’s of my decision making. The middle kid, well I was just flat out was never there for her. No excuses, I was never there. I’m still not there for her. My goal is to stay sober and be ready if she ever needs me for anything. But the truth is, there are a lot of people she can call if she needs something, before she calls me. And that’s something I’ve accepted.

South Carollina 072   In recovery I’ve realized that for somethings I can never make up. In some people’s eyes, I may never be a good father, son, brother, husband or friend. I may have done to much or to little. But I have also learned that even though I have accepted that, I don’t have to dwell or live in it. I can only move forward, make amends when I can and most of all stay and live sober to be ready for when someone I’ve hurt while in my addiction, may need a hand.