Lately the word “purpose” has been everywhere I look it seems. I hear it in meetings, groups and in reading articles. When I think of having “purpose” I imagine the search for purpose while in a personal journey, of hiking across beautiful mountain tops, along mystical trails with nothing but a backpack and religion. It’s always the search, the hunt and the journey that makes purpose so profound. However, for me, its not only purpose, but it’s applying purpose to my recovery.
Maybe my purpose in recovery is as simple as sharing my story or just listening without interrupting. I love to complicate everything! But for me, with a family and my first son on the way, I can’t just pack a bag and go. However, that should not stop me from the journey.
You see, just like how I finally got tired of being miserable, I now refuse to wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, stay sober and do it all over again. I have to have some type of daily purpose that tells me no matter what, this is why I exists, this is why I am sober, at least for today. So I detached myself from things that I thought were identifying me like work and graduate school. I tell myself, if I ever get fired or fail at school, that should not dictate my purpose. I should be able to wake up, fulfill my daily purpose, no matter what.
What’s up everyone! So an interesting week to say the least! Everything from South Texas floods to helping someone out and not even doing a thing!
So, we’ll start with the floods. For those of you that are not aware, a huge storm in Wimberley, Texas has prompted floods all over the Texas hill country. And for those who are not aware, I work in Wimberley, Texas! First my prayers go out to the families that are still missing, truly devastating.
So let me set the premise. I truly believe we are all born innocent. I truly believe we are here on this earth to help people. And I truly believe that we all have a purpose and path, and my journey as of right now after addiction, is to find that path that I was destined to follow before I got derailed in addiction. And for me, that detour was over twenty years ago. I do not believe I was meant to be an addict, but for this second, “it is what it is.” (I hate that cliche by the way!)
So this past Sunday morning, as I am walking down the mud filled windy road to find out why I can not drive any further on my way from work, I actually felt a sense of “suppose to be here,” kind of deal.
I know it’s weird. And I could not pin point the feeling as I was slipping and sliding on the wet loose mud until this morning. I remember staring at the sides of the hill country road and feeling like I was suppose to be here. When I got to the bottom of the road, the site was absolutely horrific. A cement bridge was completely taken out by the flood and the house to the right on the bank wiped out. People were taking pictures and asking the owner if there was anything they could do. While going through the debris that once filled his home he replied, “thanks.” I felt bad not helping, coming off my 12 hour shift and trying to find a safe way back to the house I stay at during my work week, however today I realized I am getting closer to my original path my higher power set for me 23 years ago. I can feel it.
So fast forward to today. I’m back at home in San Antonio, Texas getting ready to shower when my phone rings. Now early this morning I prayed to my higher power to “put in front of me, who he wants me to help today.” The caller ID said a friend’s name that I had not talk to in months. So I decided to answer. We exchange hello’s and the usual words when catching up with someone you have not talk to in awhile. Then he went out to tell me about a girl he is dating, however he found out she was on drugs and was almost tempted to try it with her but he didn’t. He recently stop talking to her, however was feeling down because he really liked her. He told me he thought of me, and what I went through two years ago, (really for two decades), and he just wanted to say thanks for sharing my story with him long ago. It helped him this week. I felt great. I felt like my morning prayer had been answered with little effort on my part. It was an amazing feeling that I wish upon everyone.
So to close I am excited. I feel my sobriety is headed in the right direction and I can’t wait to what the future holds. It took a long while to get to this point in my life from day 1 in recovery. It took a lot of hard work and dedication. At the end of the day I am still an addict and my only goal is to stay sober. I hope you have an incredible week, and thanks for reading my blog!