On my birthday I spent the day at the beach with a couple of friends. I did miss being at home with my wife but I did have a relaxing day just being present and mindful of my surroundings. There is something about the beach and the ocean that gives me a sense of serenity and purpose.
In my addiction my wife and I would argue all the time. One time I took off
to the pier just to get away however I was literally there only an hour as I could not go another second without drugs. However when I walked the pier this time I was sober and clear headed.
I guess it’s the sense of “hope” that I feel when the waves crash into the shore. No matter how big or small, each wave has purpose and gives with each thrust, instead of taking away. It all depends on perception.
This was the sky the other night right before a huge thunderstorm struck south Texas. The funny thing is that it was so beautiful and it felt amazing outside. It was peaceful and the only thing you could here was the wind blowing, moving the sky right over me.
One thing I still struggle with is being present. Don’t dwell on the past or jump to the future. Be where your feet are, and your day will go better!
And of course, anytime is a good time for coffee!
Last there is hope. Without hope, I have nothing. Hope is what motivated me to get sober. Everything I do and share about my personal recovery is to give someone hope, that they can get sober and live a healthy life.
There’s this guy in group that shared about his nephews’ drinking problem.
The mother said, “He’s out of my house for good…after I get back from my vacation.”
We had fifteen people this morning, everyone sober to my knowledge. All walks, age, gender and race. However no one, not even me could give a direct answer to the guy with the drunk nephew looking for advice. I mean, the guy understands himself, we cant get anyone other than ourselves sober but how do you even get someone to listen? I know I never listened, to anyone. I would like to think that the nephew shouldn’t have to go through 20 years of addiction to finally come to some profound moment in his miserable existence that he is finally tired. I mean there is more help today for people addicted to drugs and alcohol than ever right? We shouldn’t have to lose everything. We shouldn’t have to come to an end of our life only to grab and hold on to a little tiny piece of hope, and let it carry us to some weird meeting or group.
If the sober you, could go back and speak with the “Day 1” or the “Active Disease” you, what would you say? Would you tell yourself not to be scared, or that you know for a fact that everything will be better? Or would you just give yourself support and let “Day 1” you figure stuff out on their own?
Whatever your answer, that may be the thing to tell this guy’s nephew, before he waste the next 20 years of his life!
In sobriety we often are grateful to be able to “get” to do things. For example, I get to wake up sober, I get to go to work and I get to spend time with my family. However none of that is possible without the service of our military members. Thank you so much for the freedom of my sobriety and my country.
So I challenge you this week, to capture a picture of your personal recovery. If you snapped a photo of your recovery what would it look like? Would it be inside or out? At night or day? Would there be people in it or will it be filled with nature? Is it something you live for or experience every single day and moment? Or maybe it is still something you strive for. Whatever it, post a picture here or on our Facebook page and group, of “What Does Recovery Look Like to You?” #myRecoverypic
The first days in addiction I felt like my life had came to an end. It was like the road had ended. There was no where left to walk. That is why I struggled so much in early sobriety because I felt like my life was over, whether I got sober or not. That thinking made it so hard to want to get help.
However a few weeks later, even though my life and everything in it was still a mess, I began to see the bigger picture. The “what if” I gave this “sobriety thing” a chance thought, started to peek in my mind.
The idea of what opportunities I could possibly have if I lived a clean and sober life gave me just enough hope to give sobriety a try.
A few months later I was able to really see a clear picture of my what my life could be. I started to understand that my life wasn’t ending, it was just beginning.
Today at a little over four years sober, I can still see the “big picture” and still strive for many goals. The amazing things about it, is that once you see all the opportunity your life has clean and sober, you will always see it. The main things is, if you early in sobriety, do not think of this as the end of the road, think of it as the beginning of an amazing new life!
I trust everyone had a good Easter. I know for me the payoff for any holiday or everyday for that matter is waking up sober. I took it to the extreme all the time, and I always felt like it wasn’t a matter of “if” it was a matter of “when” would I never wake up. However those days are long gone, not completely forgotten but I am getting there. Waking up sober is truly a miracle and blessing in my life and recovery.
So I finally got a chance to record a podcast, and in episode 32 I reflect back on the fear I felt after going back to treatment after a relapse, four years ago. You are welcome to comment right here, or join the Keeping it Sober Facebook Page & Group to post your thoughts and comments.
Today I tested out my new Internet Radio station by broadcasting a live podcast for the Keeping it Sober Podcast. It’s really exciting for me to be able to create and configure audio equipment, streams and production. It’s crazy to think how I got to this exact point in my life were I am able to broadcast live from my house. I just can’t help but wonder if I didn’t go through addiction and recovery would I be broadcasting or even have a podcast??
Here’s Episode 29 were I talk about Tim Tebow, Internet Radio and post the question “Where do we start?”
Between you and me, the last few days have been a challenge for me. I’m not in a good place in my recovery at all. I have no idea why. It’s been one of those “as long as I don’t use or drink today then I’ll take it”, however it feels like I’m just empty inside, if that makes sense. The good news is that during these last few days drinking and using has not popped in my head at all as far as a solution. I mean, I know what to do, which basically is do nothing and let this thing ride out. But it just feels weird.