Just taking away the alcohol and drugs isn’t enough, I realized early in recovery. I learned that my life was still in complete chaos on a daily basis. Because I was always “partying” in my 20’s and 30’s I never learned how to balance, prioritize, and manage my daily life. From waking to a morning routine to knowing when to go to sleep, I had to teach myself as I lived in the exact moment of unfamiliar territory.
Tip #1: Work on your laptop, until the battery runs out.
If you’re like me, you do not know when to turn off the laptop. Always late at night I am either working, writing or Facebooking that never seems to have a clear-cut time to stop. Everything is must complete! But the truth is, none of it, not even work is so important. My number one goal is to go to sleep sober, period! When I put my life in the proper perspective, it’s a little bit easier to see the end of the day. So I came up with a answer to all my late night laptoping woe’s: unplug your laptop from the wall, and work until the battery runs out. And even though my battery has a long life, I usually have four or five different windows open that drain the battery a little quicker. And when the battery runs out, so does the permission to be on computer. The ideal scenario after your battery running out, is to unwind, spend time with the family, play with dogs, or however you would like to spend the latter part of your day.
Between you and me, the last few days have been a challenge for me. I’m not in a good place in my recovery at all. I have no idea why. It’s been one of those “as long as I don’t use or drink today then I’ll take it”, however it feels like I’m just empty inside, if that makes sense. The good news is that during these last few days drinking and using has not popped in my head at all as far as a solution. I mean, I know what to do, which basically is do nothing and let this thing ride out. But it just feels weird.
So I got inspired to write by another blogger. She’s back at “day 1” again. I think that’s how I have been feeling lately. Like “day 1.” Lately I’ve been grinding. Me and my coffee, are on the grind. Haven’t been to a meeting in over a week, closer to two, (that’s like a death sentence to this addict). I have not talk to my sponsor nor a member of the fellowship. Haven’t connected to my higher power in a few days and no service work. Yup, I’m grinding.
It’s just the “silence” lately has been driving crazy. The fact that my life isn’t crazy is driving me crazy. Everything is great in my life, and it’s driving me crazy. So I grind away. I grind, and grind. And grind some more.
The need to self-implode saturated my finger tips. It waters my mouth. It races my mind. The need to compulsively and physically to make a move eats at my stomach. And eats. And eats.
However, this isn’t my first rodeo. I know it’s my disease. I know what will happen if I use or drink. So the only thing I’m doing right, during the “grind” is the only thing I need to do perfect. And that’s not doing anything.