Meanwhile, Back at the Treatment Center…

It’s crazy how our story’s won’t get us sober.

I work detox and admissions at addiction treatment center for those of you that do not know. It is actually the very treatment center that I went to three times in order to finally gain the thirty something months I have of sobriety.

All names person’s, places and things have been changed to protect our fellowship and traditions of those in recovery. (Plus my ass can get fired!)

Mrs. Loudolf

Hispanic, mid thirties. Long black straight black hair. She was in cabin #1, with three other women. She isolated a lot and slept on the couch, however was always open to me and the nurse’s. She loved to stay up late at the smoke shack. Myself along with other staff, had some really in-dept late night conversations with her. She really got it, she really understood what she had to do to stay sober. She also felt like if she were to relapse, she would die. One of her roommates, Jane, got her a going away card, and we all signed it. The day she left, I was not there, but I did sign the card.

Keeping a journal in early sobriety can be used as a great tool later on!
Keeping a journal in early sobriety can be used as a great tool later on!

Less than 24 hours we got the call. Mrs. Loudolf was actually calling from her office. She got her days mixed up, and thought she worked, but she didn’t. However, she lost her cell phone anyway, and used her work phone to call us. She could not tell us what happened, because she blacked out. She was crying and wanted back in the treatment center. We didn’t have a bed available. No one has heard from her since.

David P.

Is back. When I walked into the admissions office, we both shared a chuckle. His last night here he got caught in back of one of the cabins with a female client. He gave staff a hard time about it too. So I asked him what happen.

David P. along with a handful of other clients that he met here, apparently said, “screw it” and went to a strip club and relapsed. They hooked up with other female clients that were out, and ended up in a hotel room. He got kicked out of his sober living home, so moved in with a client he met in treatment, where there was a 24 hour party. It was one bedroom with about five people living there. David P. eventually got kicked out because the owner of the apartment suspected him of stealing heroin, which David P. said he didn’t. His last run, was selling his blood, to be able to buy heroin and meth. With no phone, truck or money, he came back to treatment and says he’s ready now. A few days late, I read the treatment center staff email, and David P. is already in trouble, on the verge of getting kicked out.

Steven M.

Steven M. stayed the entire 30 days in treatment. Being a nurse, he actually saved one of the other client’s life, by administrating CPR, when one the client fell to the ground during a off-campus meeting. He was here for a reason, things made sense. Steven M. was ready to start his new sober life, get his nursing license back, and help others.

Steven M.’s mother found him overdosed on the bathroom floor about a month ago. He didn’t make it back to treatment. He died. Heroin.

These story’s are true and not made up. However the reality is, that these stories will not get us or keep sober.

So what will?

Keeping it Sober,

Jaime

 

 

 

Holding on, in Sobriety.

What’s up everyone, hope all is “keeping it sober” this week!!

One of the many tools I learned in early recovery was the ability to, “hold on” and “do nothing.” If your like me, then you love to react to every thing that life throws your way, no matter how major or minor the situation can be. Something bad happens at work, then you want to quit. A business idea falls through, then you want to give up. A relationship goes bad, then you want to use or drink. Something happens in your life and you want to react in some way, form or action. It took practice, but I finally learned I can handle situations so I can move forward in life, by “doing nothing.” And today, is one of those days, I need to just “hold on” and “do nothing.”

So I have a lot of good things moving forward in my life, however for the past few weeks its felt like Ive been stuck going no where. I got rejected twice last week. Once by voice mail, once by email, and both within minutes of each other. I feel like my blog is going no where and not helping anyone. I have no new customers this month for my small “health product” business and I want to quit. I’m turning 40 in a few days and I feel like I’m wasting. I want to quit, give up, start over, re-evaluate and do something extreme to validate my existence. I want to do something, anything that will change the way I am feeling. I also have played with idea of quitting the job at the treatment center, easily the best job Ive ever had, to write.

So I take a deep breath. Or two. Maybe three. And here’s the beautiful thing out of all this. Today I know,  “holding on” and “doing nothing” is really “holding on” and “doing everything.”

I’m an addict. That means my mind is racing 24/7! That means I need to have complete control of the outcomes of everything going on in my life! Which, in the past, got me drunk and high. So today, “holding on” means grinding out another twenty-four hours, and “do nothing” means letting things happen as they may. Sometimes there is not an answer for every little or big thing happening in our lives. Sometime we need to let things be, however the outcome. Sometimes we need to remember our only really goal of the day is to stay sober. Sometime, we just need to hold on until tomorrow, while we keeping going today.

Keeping it Sober,

j